When I leave the room

I have been recently been  reading a few blogs about people suffering a terminal illness, which is always hard to read. For some reason I always feel drawn to read their stories and how they are choosing to navigate through this tough time, and wondering if it was me or my children what would I do? Would I be strong enough? Have enough faith? Would I look at is a chance to reach out to others or would I crawl into a hole? Would I allow God to move through me or through my children?

The one thing I do know without a doubt is that my flesh is not strong enough.  I would only be able to put one foot in front of the other with Jesus holding my hand. This life can be a toxic, depressing place at times and I believe that you have to make a choice, draw a line in the sand and deiced how you want to move forward. This life is fleeting we are not promised tomorrow or next year, just today. 

“God didn't promise days without pain, laughter without sorrow, or sun without rain, but He did promise strength for the day, comfort for the tears, and light for the way. If God brings you to it, He will bring you through it.”

Becoming a mother has been such a gift truly, even through the tough days, I feel blessed. The day I found myself holding my first born and having that realization that he is only on loan to me.  I realized that none of my children are mine, just a gift to love.  I find freedom in that, I am physically unable to be with and protect  them every second of every day.  But, my peace comes when I know that God is their protector and He has it all in His hands. The joy, pain, and sorrow of tomorrow. 

I know this first hand because when I was just 16 years old I was in a car accident with my three younger siblings and two cousins. I lost control of the vehicle when I hit black ice, I swerved and we flew off a 50 foot embankment into a frozen lake. In that moment when all I could see was the white of the snow covered frozen lake the one name I called for was " Jesus, Jesus, Jesus". Because, even in my short 16 years of life the one gift  my parents gave me was the opportunity to have a personal relationship with Jesus.  I knew that only He could save us, not my parents, not the police.  And you know something, he did, he saved us, we call it our Christmas miracle because the vehicle was submerged completely except for a few inches. At least one of six of us should have been dead or seriously injured.  He saved me 14 years ago and I believe that same God will save me and my children today.

When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze. Isaiah 43:2

I love that this Natalie Grant song sums it up perfectly, that I want to leave Jesus with my children when I leave the room.

My hope and pray for my children is that they grow to love and hunger for a relationship with Jesus. At the end of the day, all else will pass away but He will remain. I pray that the name that they call out in the darkness would not be Mommy but " Jesus" and his band of angel armies. 

 I don't think you can ever be prepare for what tomorrow may bring, weather I have 50 more years or just a few months, I want to choose to live with purpose. 
Don't brag about tomorrow, since you don't know what the day will bring. Proverbs 27:1